I don’t want to write this post, but I NEED to write it.
So here we go:
1) During my internship I lost ~12 pounds. I was killing myself when I had most of this weight loss, and once I backed off the intense exercise – I fluctuated around –8 to –10 pounds. I lost al exercise outside of work and the occasional 5K in March-April(ish) because I was constantly getting sick.
And over the summer with everything that’s been going on, I’ve gained about 8 of those –12 pounds back. It’s frustrating to say the least.
2) I am VERY active now and on my feet all day, so I now carry weight completely different on my body. I am currently carrying the majority of my weight in my abdomen – which is definitely the first time in my life I’ve been this way.
It’s frankly depressing. And it’s been really really hard for me to adjust to and come to terms with over the last few months. Everyone has told me how great I look, which I SO appreciate – but I’ve secretly been miserable because I’m NOT used to this body shape I have now developed.
3) Weight loss becomes a complete game changer once you become a dietitian. I hope that this is something that will be discussed at my round table event next week – but it’s just different now.
I KNOW what needs to be done. Hell, I teach my patients every single day what needs to be done. I’m extremely healthier than I used to be pre-RD and at the beginning of my weight loss journey. As Kristina said in her posts – I have healthy habits that are already in place.
It’s strange because at the end of my internship, I felt like the MOST balanced eater I had ever been in my life. I could navigate any situation and remain balanced. I had conquered stress eating. I was a changed person – flexible, optimistic and go with the flow.
And then the summer hit. It has been constant stressor after stressor, and I’ll fully admit I haven’t handled it as well as I know I can. First it was adjusting to being an actual dietitian. Then it was studying for the exam. Then I passed the exam and started working in both Dallas and Fort Worth, literally picking up individual shifts as I could to piece together a 40 hour work week. Then I knew I was going to be offered a full time job and there were some circumstances around that, which took about a month to work through.
And now here I am, 2 weeks into my brand new full time job working in a primarily outpatient environment. The exact environment that I left my former career to spend every day doing. I am constantly inspired by my patients and feel the need to practice what I preach. Everything is in line for me to get back on the weight loss wagon, to change my attitude and to get back to the balance I learned during my internship.
It’s all coming. I know that. It is just very hard, as a dietitian, to find the right levels of support to fully re-commit myself. I have outgrown most of the old methods of support I used because frankly, I’m the one who should be doling out the advice. I don’t need advice – I just need someone to tell me I can do it and to be there to push me when I struggle.
So, I guess all of this is to say that I am re-committing myself to tracking. I’ve been trying on and off for weeks to get back to it, and I haven’t exactly figured out how I’m going to motivate myself – but I’m going to try.
I started the exercise re-commitment several weeks ago with 10K training. But the tracking is just a mentality I need to get back into. I see my patients do it every day and I am just so inspired by them to again, practice what I preach.
Huzzah. Conversation over.