About 6 month ago, I started a campaign within my own mind to become a more positive person. I won’t lie, this is something I’ve been working on for the past several years, but about 6 months ago I made a commitment to myself to actively be positive about everything and stop letting negative thoughts hold me back.
I’m not sure whether it was my environment growing up, or just bad habits I picked up during those dreadful teenage years (honestly I think it’s a mix), but I used to be really negative and really mean. I went through a few really difficult years in college (looking back) where I was THE mean girl. Friendships deteriorated because some people couldn’t deal with the negative shadow I cast over their lives. When new girls would start in the restaurant where I worked, they were terrified of me because I had such a horrible reputation of being critical, judgmental and mean.
Looking back on those years of my life, I’m mortified at my behavior. There are no positive feelings I have for the way I used to act. I feel so much guilt, shame and regret over the attitude I used to portray to the outside world. Ultimately when I started all my work on stress several years ago, I faced these negative demons and the implications they had on my behavior and my attitude. I did some work at the time, trying to lower the drama in my life – but I still struggled with a negative outlook on the world every day.
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There have been so many people over the years that have helped me overcome negativity. I don’t want to discredit anyone when it comes to the help I’ve received from friends and loved ones to help me catch myself being negative, being judgmental, being critical. However – there are two particular people that sparked this most recent commitment – my boss Robin and Sarah, who I go to school with. Both Robin and Sarah are the polar opposite of me – super positive, non-judgmental, carefree and have such relaxed attitudes. And they both helped me to realize the few snags I still had with being negative and showed me, by example, how to overcome these problems.
Since this summer, a day hasn’t gone by that I don’t talk to at least one of the two – and together they unknowingly have had such an amazing impact on my attitude. Neither woman lets me complain, which is probably the most effective tool anyone could offer. They both are super patient with me when I get into one of my moods, and they always stop and take time to explain to me the other side of the problem. Honestly, these are strategies that other people have used with me, but they don’t always work coming from someone else. I think it’s simply the sheer fact that both spent multiple days with me over such a short amount of time that it really started to sink into my head when I compared my own behavior with theirs. I’ve also had some really life-changing, deep and insightful conversations with both that opened my eyes to a few bigger problems I faced.
At one point at the end of the summer, I had a really amazing revelation that I’m holding onto certain things that have happened to me and letting them affect and impact my daily life. These issues constantly would sit on my shoulder and play the devil, speaking negative thoughts into my ear all day long. They are the ultimate “chips on my shoulder” and when I realized I was letting them control my attitude and actions, I was devastated.
I’ve been working on being a different person for several years. I know the person I want to be, and for both my professional and personal life – it’s critical I become this person. This person I want to be only has the purest of intentions – living a life of service, care and concern for other people. She is confident, happy and reaches her goals. She is seen as approachable, a valuable resource and instrumental in helping other people better themselves. The chips I have been carrying on my shoulder have prevented me from being this person and I won’t have it any longer.
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And since August, I’ve worked on getting rid of these chips and focusing on having a positive attitude. The key for me in being a more positive person is simply recognizing when I’m being negative and immediately correcting the situation. I simply change my attitude when either someone points out to me I’m being negative or I catch myself. I utilize strategies I’ve learned from Robin and Sarah to see the good in a person or a situation. I give compassion for the person or situation, which is something Kristina has been working with me on for a while now. I avoid the negative stimulus and shut it down. I avoid negativity, in general, and try to not even start down a critical path, because it’s contagious for me and hard to stop at times.
I won’t lie, this is a struggle. I still struggle with keeping a positive attitude every day. Multiple times per day in fact. Sometimes I still act out before I can catch myself, which leaves me feeling like an awful person – but compassion for myself is something else I’m working on. I have days where it’s easy, I have days where it’s hard. However, I’m constantly working on it. I seek out ways to be more positive every day, whether it’s reading positive things, being around positive people or taking time to reflect on the successes I have reached.
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I say all of this to you because I want us to all be the person we most want to be. I realize there are factors that sometimes prevent us from being that person. But I’ve learned that you have two options: either change that factor, or accept you can’t change it and move on. Carrying a chip on your shoulder every day wears on you over time. It makes you stressed and influences your life in negative ways. It may not be easy to give up the chip, but we all need to at some point.
Since working on this positivity push and giving up these chips, I am so much happier and more pleasant to be around. I’m more aware and responsible for my outer attitude and it’s made me a better person to everyone I come into contact with each day. It’s also had one other tremendous impact on my life, which I’m going to share in a later post with all of you!
So let’s hear how you are working every day to make your life more positive? Come on guys, I need all the ideas I can get 
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post! I think personalities AND perspectives can most definitely be changed. I used to be a really sad, negative person. I worked really, really hard to change that and be positive. It worked. It took work, but it worked. I’ve been suffering with the “negatives” again lately. It’s time for another attitude adjustment.
I am so happy to hear it worked for you! I hope that one day it gets much easier for me and it’s not something I struggle with every day, but who knows! And I agree – changing a personality is impossible without altering perspective. And changing perspective inherently changes personality – so they do go hand in hand! Thank you for pointing that out
You really have made huge strides in becoming a more positive person, and I’m really proud of you for that. I do think it’s important to keep in mind that you’ll probably always struggle with a little bit of negativity.
I’m not saying this to be negative but rather to be realistic because I think there is some realism required to be positive. Overall I have a very positive and optimist attitude, but I’m definitely not like that 100% of the time. If you expect to never struggle with negativity, it’s easy to develop a negative attitude about not being positive enough…if that makes any sense at all…
I guess my point is that there will always be the option for negativity and sometimes you will choose that option, but just like weight loss, it’s getting “back on track” that matters most. You’ve found great people and strategies for keeping you positive, and as long as you continue to embrace and employ them, you’ll continue the upward trend in positivity.
“If you expect to never struggle with negativity, it’s easy to develop a negative attitude about not being positive enough…”
I completely agree, Stina, and I had to say “here! here!” because this was a lesson I had to learn not all that long ago, and will probably continue to need to be reminded of it often. Thanks for the reality check remind
i am so thankful for you, your honesty, and your willingness to share.
YOU make me a better person. I was thinking about it today when Mandy was tweeting us. You are one of the few people I know who understands my desire to reach for the best me possible, and is trying to do so with herself. You always push me JUST ENOUGH past my comfort zone for growth, and not failure. You ask the very best questions that cause me to reflect on the WHY behind my actions, my words, my fears, and my feelings.
I am so proud of you. For who you were, who you are, and who you are becomming. You are one of my most favorite people and I am so lucky to have you in my life for all these years. You are a true friend, love.
This, Heather, coming from you means more than words will ever explain. Mostly because you have known the old me and our relationship has suffered in the past from the negative habits I used to have. I completely agree that you know how to push me past my comfort zone, but its done in love and always teaches me a life lesson. I am so grateful for you every day!
also. for the record. I love Sarah.
ok. enough of me clogging up your comments
I love you too Heather!!
One of the things that I struggle with the most when I feel super negative is things I can’t control. People who are chronically late, don’t do their job, annoying and rude customers, etc. I’ve been trying really hard lately to only worry about things I can control and try not to let the rest bring me down. Its hard, but it is something that I feel like makes for a more positive life.
Also – as Stina and Heather said already – you will always have good and bad days, but the most important thing is that you can bounce back from the bad quickly and make the good, positive thinking, days even more prevalent.
I honestly can’t imagine you being a negative person – you truly must have put a lot of work in because you are one of the most positive people I ‘know’
As far as dealing with other people, like you said, it’s really about compassion for the other person and trying to imagine it from their side. Like if they screwed something up, likely they didn’t do it on purpose and are dissapointed about it too.
Unfortunatlely I’m not good at this all of the time either, especially when I’m tired after a long day at work. At times like that, I prefer just to be quiet and by myself, since when I’m tired my negativity likes to come out to play!
Love you Laura! You have definitely grown sooooo much in this aspect of your life!! I’m here any time you need a positive peptalk!
I wasn’t always as positive about life as I am now. But one day I decided that being negative and angry about things that I couldn’t change was keeping me from living the life I wanted to live. And once I decided to let go of that my life changed dramatically. You get to decide what kind of person you are. No one else gets to control that. And I wanted to be a happy person, so I am!
I have pretty much the worst luck EVER. But through that I have some hilarious stories and experiences. I also have learned to be able to fly by the seat of my pants, think outside of the box, and to get things done even if I have to do something in a non-traditional way.
I love this piece. It’s so easy to slip into the negative or to be falsely positive for me. I have to remember negativity has a time and place but carrying it constantly just weighs me down.
*note: I’m working on this big time lately. It’s freakin’ hard.*
You’re a brave woman for writing something like this!
Kudos. Thank you for the positive influence you’ve been in my life lately- the extra encouragement is much appreciated. I have exciting news that I have to email you, in fact. Happy Friday!
I truly applaud you for working so hard to be a more positive person! I’m sure it isn’t easy at times, but through your commitment to be successful you are pushing through the barriers! Good job!!!!!! Keep it up!
i absolutely love this post. i think it’s important to remember that being positive and shying away from negative thoughts that pull at everyone takes EFFORT and a serious desire to be a happy, optimistic person. i’m so glad you’ve seen such a positive change in your life and think it speaks volumes about your character that you made changing your outlook and demeanor a priority.
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